EDITOR’S CHOICE AWARD
by Ava Serra
In the United States, any woman1 of or above the legal age of consent2 can technically agree to3 a hysterectomy. The vast majority of doctors will not authorize a hysterectomy unless at least one (often two) licensed medical professional(s) deem(s) the procedure “medically justified.”4 When there are no official threats5 to a woman’s (see Note 1) life, a hysterectomy is deemed “elective,”6 and therefore not covered by any insurance plan on the American healthcare market7. Additionally, for women (see Note 1) between the ages of 18 and 35, virtually no disorder, discomfort, or extreme depressive symptoms8 can meet the criteria9 for medical justification. All other alternatives—medical10, lifestyle11, and otherwise12—must be trialed for a minimum of two weeks each before a hysterectomy is considered unequivocally necessary13 for a woman (see Note 1) aged 18-35. This unofficial policy persists due to the extreme physical and emotional risks associated with the procedure, as a hysterectomy is a major surgery. Possible complications14 include: vaginal dryness15, decrease in sexual libido and general disinterest with sexual activities16, fever17, mild bladder infection during recovery18, cardiovascular risks19, among other severe side effects.20 Due to the irreversible nature of a hysterectomy, the procedure also eliminates all possibility of biological21 pregnancy, which may lead to depression22, anxiety23, and general psychological stress24 in some women (see Note 1).
Notes
1 n.b. / correction: person / who menstruates
2 above the legal age of consent— / i.e. / the federal façade which dangles / complete / autonomy / as a carrot before a bunny the government determined it would starve / to death / at its judicial gender / reveal party
3 see: the more severe synonym for ask / which precedes any procedures, agreements, or discussions of treatment—beg / beg for / as in: / how / hastily demagnetized lodestones / beg for / a bearing, upended / polar diaspora / as in: even the hardiest succulents / beg for / water in extreme drought / as in: / eleven states / actively extort pleas / from felons of nonviolent / drug crimes / (the most common type of felony in / the united states) / coerce these / individuals / to crawl across the marble waste / lands / on their hands and knees / to beg for / so-called inalienable / rights / to vote / to speak—
beg / as in: / in / north america, oceania—anywhere addressed / by a white- / washed name / indigenous peoples beg for / the land that is their ancestral right
4 an exchange / that is acceptable to subsets of the population / obsessed with statutory reproduction / especially: subscribers to the dogma man up / no pain, no gain / put some backbone into it
5 i.e. opinions / from mostly male doctors / believing that / a menstruator is the director in a hyperbolic dramatization of their own biopic
6 sc. / frivolous, unworthy, superfluous, wasteful, situationally / abhorrent, inappropriate, conventionally tactless and uncivil, barbaric
7 for more information / see: encyclopedia britannica’s entry regarding / history’s most notorious serial killers
8 i.e. / the chronic decision to indulge in obviously avoidable (self-) / flagellation
9 modern medicine’s / masculine standards for real / suffering / bar any / symptoms indicative of 20th century / feminine hysteria naturally
10 e.g. multiple forms of birth / control / menopause / in an $1800/month pill† / plus hrt / hormone replacement / therapy addition / or removal of anti- / depressants and/or antianxiety medications, etc.
† only $1600/month with insurance / financial aid options available / from the manufacturer abbvie: generous thoughts and prayers // contact abbvie’s financial aid department / reachable exclusively by phone / with at least one interdepartmental transfer / n. capsule vending machine: pharma’s financial aid inventory // for more information and an eight-page form that would make HIPAA / raise an eyebrow / please do not contact the department / again after you and your doctor submit an application—ever
11 for viable lifestyle alternatives, see: pop medicine sites, especially those / inundated with articles from cis-women / typically white / typically under the age of 25 typically strangers with the concepts of financial instability and outstanding student loans / who tout the panacean powers of suburbia- / based / yoga classes, exotic / eastern herbs and supplements, foam / rollers and phone / apps that may or may / not give the author a small commission
12 otherwise: / according to southern baptists / over 50% of american / politicians / hobby lobby executives, and other entities without advanced medical educations / and degrees prescribed / motherhood is the healthiest, most effective / alternative / to a hysterectomy
13 n.b. imminent risk of death / does not count as
absolutely, unequivocally necessary
14 sc. each / of the listed ailments / should be considered as a high-risk outcome, regardless / of (uncommon) frequency
15 o, the insurmountable horrors / of a slightly-parched Fuckhole
16 o, the blasphemy, the inescapable damnation of a flesh pit in want of no dick
17 if a fever manifests post-op / in the vast majority of cases, it develops / in the immediate / recovery / phase during which the patient is under hospital / supervision
18 ibid.
19 definition and details of cardiovascular risks / uncertain / conflicting and not / available / at this time / due to lack of research funding / interest
20 ibid.
21 i.e. superior
22 depression / may also develop, however / in cases where a patient is refused / a hysterectomy
23 sc. anxiety / from the baptists and politicians obsessed with continued colonial / growth / also see / shrewphobia
24 i.e. a wide range of vague and societally disagreeable behaviors and mind- / sets like / iterations of homosexuality and non-binary gender identity / alternatively / dispositions / historically classified as queer– / ness, frigidity / spinsterism / devilry, hemophiliac / delirium, hysteria / pathological penis envy or medical / incompetence