BY ALEXANDER AMEEN
Lights rise on JEANIE and ZACK sitting across from one another on a subway car late at night. Jeanie is hastily wrapping a large candle. The car is mostly empty, save for a drunk and others decidedly minding their own business.
ZACK
Wow. That’s some gift.
JEANIE
Yeah, I know. It sucks. I ran outta ideas.
ZACK
I get it. Gifts are hard. At least it’s not for anyone too important, right?
JEANIE
Shit. (Beat.) It’s for my roommate.
ZACK
Oh no! Swing and a miss!
JEANIE
Shit.
Jeanie accidentally rips the wrapping paper and has to start over. It’s a cumbersome task.
ZACK
Do you want some help?
JEANIE
I don’t think it’s a two-person job, but thanks.
Zack pulls out a switchblade and SNAPS it open, holding it in Jeanie’s direction.
JEANIE (cont.)
Oh my god! Help! HELP!
ZACK
What?? No! No, no, no! It’s for the paper!
JEANIE
Why do you have a switchblade? Stop pointing it at me!
ZACK
I’m sorry! It’s to help you. I’m just trying to help.
JEANIE
Jesus. You can’t just pull a knife on someone on a subway. I don’t even know you, man.
ZACK
Aw, we see each other every day. You practically know me.
JEANIE
(Taking the switchblade)
It’s so shiny…
Jeanie cleanly cuts off a strip of wrapping paper.
JEANIE (cont.)
Okay. That was helpful.
ZACK
See?
JEANIE
Why are you carrying a switchblade?
ZACK
It was a gift from my dad. Well, he left it to me before he died.
JEANIE
Ah. A memento weapon. Neat.
ZACK
Tease all you want. It’s all I have to remember him by.
JEANIE
(Inspecting the switchblade)
This is actually really nice. Is this carved?
ZACK
It is. Listen, be careful.
JEANIE
I won’t break your knife.
Jeanie cuts off another strip of wrapping paper and sloppily finishes wrapping the candle. She puts the wrapped gift on the seat next to her and begins playing with the blade, SNAPPING it open and closed.
ZACK
Okay, you can give it back now.
JEANIE
I will, I will. This thing is cool! So, what’s your name, anyway?
ZACK
It’s Zack please be careful with that.
JEANIE
It’s nice to meet you, Zack. I’m…
The subway car slams to a stop, which launches Jeanie into Zack. She leans away from him, and the knife is sticking out of his upper arm.
JEANIE (cont.)
Jeanie.
ZACK
(Calmly)
Hello, Jeanie.
JEANIE
Hello.
ZACK
Jeanie, I think you stabbed me in the arm.
JEANIE
Does it hurt, Zack?
ZACK
Yes, Jeanie. It hurts. A lot.
JEANIE
We have to get you to a hospital.
ZACK
I’d say so. Okay, I’m gonna carefully pull this out.
JEANIE
Oh my god.
Zack pulls the switchblade out of his arm and hands it to Jeanie. She uses it to cut off a strip of wrapping paper, which she then uses to clean the blood off the blade. She closes the switchblade and hands it to Zack, who puts it in his pocket. Jeanie then rips off a large strip of paper and starts to wrap it around Zack’s arm, something of a makeshift bandage. It looks ridiculous.
ZACK
(Sarcastically)
Good as new.
She completes the task with a large bow.
JEANIE
Can you stand? Can you walk?
ZACK
Yeah. I don’t think it’s fatal.
JEANIE
Let’s get off at this stop.
ZACK
Don’t forget your candle.
JEANIE
Right.
She grabs it. They cross to the doors, waiting for them to open. A brief silence.
JEANIE
It’s crazy how we see each other on this commute every night and the first time we ever talk I end up stabbing you with your dad’s knife. I mean, it’s just crazy. Isn’t it crazy?
Zack quietly chuckles, which Jeanie catches.
ZACK
Crazy. You know what’s really crazy? When I got on the subway tonight, I told myself that if I saw you, I’d ask you to go on a date with me.
JEANIE
That would’ve been really brave. You know, I’m just some stranger. Who knows how I would’ve reacted.
ZACK
See, that’s why I carry a weapon. You can never be too careful in the big city.
JEANIE
There’s no way you could have known I’d been waiting weeks for you to ask me out.
The subway stops and the doors open.
JEANIE (cont.)
I love Italian food.
ZACK
Me, too.
They exit.
Blackout.